So haven't updated my blogs in a few weeks and HERE's why!!! :D if you know me, you know I allllways for whatever fascinating reason, have some next level shit going on, hey, it makes life hella fun and interesting.
So Ive probably talked about Ben my roomate aka supposed to be brother- well let's just say things went WAYYYYY south hahaha; lyric describes it perfectly how i feel "i took your words and i believed in eveything you said to me, ya thats right- if someone said 3yrs from now youd be long gone, Id stand up and punch em all out cuz theyre all wrong, i know better cuz u said forever, and ever- who knew?!"
I need to chalk it down to karma, Ive hurt people so I know Bens just God's, the worlds way of showing me how it feels. "I wish i cud still call u friend, id give anything" . Having to go look back on over a year and really take the good memories, bank them but move on not really knowing if those good memories were all a lie, part of a masterplan to fool you. Who knew?! I didnt- i should have opened my eyes and i should have recognized the signs which were right infront of me, but the funyn thing about love is you overlook so much. You forgive so much. I look back at our pics of one another, and its we werent even dating, but a relationship is a relationship, he was family to me and it blows my mind- looking back at that guy who i spent so many good times with- how he either fooled me the entire step of the way or how someone cud lose themselves so much. I dont know who he is now, but I want to believe i did, and who I knew was a good person, a little off, but good... Im proud to say tho since this my lfies gotten seriously better, prep has never been so "easy" and my minds never been so focused.
He moved out a few weeks ago, basically in the middle of the night- screwed me on my lease or atleast tried to- said I broke into his car, robbed him of thousands, am the reason his relationships dont work otu, sabotaged him, have never wanted anything but harm to him, he's split up all our mutual friends- not my loss tho I dont need shady people in my life..... Yaaaa ha, this is coming from the guy who I've moved 4 times with, who I trained to lose 65lbs... Oh well.
So thaaaat's why i've been behing on my blogs hahaha, Working and traing and eating and dealing with nonsense! NOW that ure all caught up haha.
Im officially 6.5wks out from my wbff worlds debut. im ammmppped. Im not ready yet, still have more cardio and more traing to get done, more lean meals to get in me, but im more than confident Im going to leave a lasting impression on the wbff stage. Im currently not with a coach right now, Ive decided since Im pretty broke from my roomate dipping on my lease and wat not that Ill just do this show on my own. I may or may not compete this Nov with OPA if I do I wanna go with TeamStirling for my prep- sooo if ur reading this you guys im coming at you sooon!!!! :D
Im beyond stoked, i will be shooting with Jamie Watling the sunday after the competition- again big shout outs! I plan on being in the best physique and condition i have ever been in. To me at this point it isnt even about winning- for sure I want my pro card; but Ive exceeded my expectations of myself, im beyond estatic with wat I have accomplished thus far and by standing on stage in 6.5wks to unveil what Ive been bustin my ass in the gym for- i just wanna show everyone the true meaning of hard work. If u want it badly enough, if you really want it, and you work your ass off, and I mean work your ass off- when someone says theyre working hard, your answer better be im working harder than hard working- u can achieve anything- the skys the limit and beyond. it's true when they say a bunch of small actions will lead up to something great.
Despite all that is going on in my life , the people coming and giong, all the rumours im sure being spread about me- i WILL NOT be stopped and I WILL NOT let them take my focus from me- you fuel me u fuel my fire- anger is my flame it always has been, pain is the spark - Im headed straight to the top.
For the first time In my life; ever since i began lifting- ive felt important, Ive felt good about myself; I finally feel like I know what Im supposed to be doing in my life- it may not seem like much to you but it's everything to me. I was so lost and broken, scared and dying to live; I wake up more alive than I have ever been in my life I can honestly say that its the first time I feel like my prayers have been answered- things are making sense and my life has never been better. I jsut wanna show everyone what it's really done for me, n if your work hard at it, you'd be amazed at what it can do for you.
Stay tuned !!
